she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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