Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
