I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
