when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
