whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
