Please, let me fuck your mom
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
