planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
