I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you made out with another girl for some wings
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
