The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
