if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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