I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
