We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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