for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was confusing and full of hummus
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
