you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
