my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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