i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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