did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
