dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
