We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
