Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
