sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im holly from the hills drunk
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
as a side note pls kill me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
