I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
