We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
