I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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