My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
