My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
