i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
