k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
