HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
