My first STD was from a foam party
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
