so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
