I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
