I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
