Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
