after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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