Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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