Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
