i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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