how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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