There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
