so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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