you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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