i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
