This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Michael Bay diarrhea
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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