I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
