Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
