Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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