i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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