What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
