Kiss
Puke
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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