I skipped work to stalk him.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
