I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
