This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize