1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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