i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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