hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
