Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
