I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
