I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
