Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
