ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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