Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
