allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
