there's paper in my vomit.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
