he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
