Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I didn't notice because vodka
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
