it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
