Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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