I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
