also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
