He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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