Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
