If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
