am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize