the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Who died my cat blue again?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
