You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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